Bet You Didn't Think You Would Survive...Mother's Day Without Your Mom

Chef Therry

Sunday, May 17, 2015

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One more Mother's Day without my mom and I survived. But SO DID YOU! Even though it took me 14 Mother's Days to finally decide to try to get over my funk of not having her here, I did it, and one day, if you are not there already, you will also be right where I am, right now, at THIS moment. I say THIS moment because who knows what next year will bring. But for now, this year was OK.

There were definitely challenges in losing my mom because I realized later that so much of my identity, courage, beliefs and self-esteem were all wrapped up into our relationship. I could fearlessly jump off a cliff because I knew she would be there to catch me. When she died, that safety was no longer there. I was alone and would be without a mother for the rest of my life.

Each year I would disconnect from others on this day and just do my own thing. Anything to avoid having to hear "So, what are you doing for Mother's Day" from some innocent person who did not know or had forgotten I was motherless. But this year, I embraced it. I will share with you how I jumped into Mother's Day and made it to the other side of sadness. Maybe these steps will help you also.

1: Let the emotions flow.

I went to bed crying the night before and woke up crying. I did not hide my feelings from myself. I let myself hurt and was vulnerable. I embraced what I was feeling and for the first time, I was not ashamed of hurting as much as I still do.

2: Talk to her.

I wished her a Happy Mother's Day and told her that I miss and love her. I laughed at what I thought she would say to me at that moment. I let myself remember her. I remembered how she loved any day that was all about her. I remembered her love of perfume and fancy meals. I heard her voice in my ear and did not turn on music to muffle the sound.

3: I honored her memory by honoring others.

I brought Mother's Day cards for many of my friends and family members with kids. I made sure to reach out to them to wish them a fantastic day. I honored those women who have always been there for me. Who allow me to cry. Who give me advice. Who love me, flaws and all. Who always come when I need them.

4. I was there for others that were hurting.

This was the first Mother's Day without his mom for a dear friend of mine. I listened to his stories about his mother. How she started the first food bank in their town, adopted children from the church and was known for being the mother on the block who would listen to any child who needed to be heard. I gave love to my aunt who still misses her mom, my grandmother.

5. I planned a special day.

I invited my play mom and a dear friend out to brunch. We spent a lovely day dining, shopping, walking and sharing. I did not feel one moment of sadness.

Mother's Day will always be tough for me, but I love remembering my mother. Her smile, her laughter, her generosity, her weird sense of humor, her smell, her cooking, her advice...her...

I encourage you all to welcome the joy and pain you feel. I hope these steps encourage you to redefine how you view Mother's Day and I hope to meet you again throughout your journey.

DIVA

A few years ago I had dinner at the home of a friend and her mom made what I believe is the best dressing I have ever eaten. I asked her for the recipe and I still have this same sheet of paper with her handwritten recipe. I use it every year.